Homage to my journey as a mother. Homage to myself…

Nearly three years since I became a mother. My oldest 2.5 years old, my youngest 4 months old. Long way to go for me, I am in the early stages of motherhood I know. How do I dare to make a homage to myself! How!! Well, I dare because I am amazed by my own transformation by my own growth. I see myself now and see myself 3 years ago and I can tell I am not the same. Why? They have changed my world, they have changed me. They have pushed me to the edge of my comfort zone. I have taken the challenge and allowed myself to get deep into this new world. Knowing nothing, yes I read books, blogs, take courses, listen to the people around me. But as you know, motherhood isn’t a 2+2=4 formula. It is (as I see it now) the most ever changing thing in the world. So really you don’t know.

I entered to this motherhood world knowing nothing and thinking I knew at least the basics. Now I know, the easiest part was giving birth, hugging them, kissing them and breastfeed them my pleasure.

My first wake up call my daughter. I couldn’t leave her and go back to work. I couldn’t. It was breaking my heart. It was obvious, the corporate world wasn’t for me anymore. Me, the competitive one, the ever responsable Ana, the one with the best record in you name it… me Ana was quitting her job because I couldn’t bear leaving my kid at home. Easy to say, it was a nightmare to live.

I was looking outward for some coherence, but there was none. Not a single person (apart from my husband, he did support me, obviously) told me, go Ana, embrace motherhood, see if this is your thing. You are quitting, so what? you can find another job later if you find out it wasn’t your thing. But go for it. Sure it wasn’t anyone there for me. On the opposite, the world was saying: what a waste, your master degree, you will get bored at home, this is what you are (a working woman) etc. Now I know I was looking on the wrong place, instead of going outward I needed to go inward. I needed to sit with it and breath it. Breath my confusion, which wasn’t really a confusion, my heart knew and was telling me what to do: Just be a mom, this is your call.

3 years later I know better, I honor my journey as a mom. It has been the most valuable thing ever happened to me. The most difficult mission I have ever embraced. Being a present mom, and trying to be a conscious parent isn’t a piece of cake. It is a real pain in the butt. I get overwhelmed, uncomfortable, angry, exhausted, frustrated by my own inability to cope with the ever changing needs of an infant. But I wouldn’t choose different. I would do it million times the same way.

I discovered myself in this journey, my strengths and weaknesses. I discovered I am a human being with so much to give, with infinite possibilities. I am so graceful I followed my heart 3 years ago. So graceful I met my husband and he is parenting these two beautiful souls with me.

We aren’t perfect, of course we are not. There is not such thing as “perfect”. We are aware of our imperfections, we are just walking life one day at a time, one hour, one second at a time. Knowing that we don’t know, but we are doing our best here. In the most conscious way possible right now for us.

I discovered that the conscious parenting movement is MY thing, being a mom is MY thing. I am alive right now, so much alive that I can’t believe I was missing it. I am so graceful I had this chance of changing the course of my life. So graceful that I dared to move through it.

This isn’t the end, actually this is the very beginning of a life time journey. I am here just saying Thank you God: for my past which made me who I am; and for my present which I am now consciously building one second at a time. I no longer worry about the future. It will come based on what I am doing with my now.

So I say, follow your heart once in a while and cross the line of fear. Face the oddness of not doing what everyone else is doing. Accept that you don’t know. Accept that you are trusting God has your back. Dare to move to a different pace with your own rhythm. You will be amazed of how things start reveling to you, you will be amazed by your own true self. I am not saying is easy, I am just saying is worthy.


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#consciousparent #padresconscientes #consciousparenting #parenting #positivethinking #awareness #consciousness #positivevibes #mindfulness


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